you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
