u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
