she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
