Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
