In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
