I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
