I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
