I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
