I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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