Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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