he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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