I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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