Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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