I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.