i already hear my dad disowning me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We need to rekindle our bromance
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.