good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.