at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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