He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
