First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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