Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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