five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
