I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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