Say something about gay babies.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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