Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you had me at cake vodka
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
