I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
