I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
