What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there's paper in my vomit.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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