i think my tv is drunk
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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