I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
