What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
