I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His nipple licking is glorious
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