You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize