Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
