I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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