bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
