Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
