You made me cry and you don't even care
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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