my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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