found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
