Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
