Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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