You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
