Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
