Welp...herpes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
