I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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