I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
