don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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