is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
