yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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