bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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