Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
high people should be assigned attendants
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize