Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm like, not good at living.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
