moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
