The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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