I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
