the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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