Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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