was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
