Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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