All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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