The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
