Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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